Wednesday 31 July 2013

Do ya think I'm sexy?

So do ya?

And do you think you're sexy?

There's been a bit of sexy talk going on lately; read Bella's, Jane's and Tamera's thoughts over at their blogs.

Jane hasn't posted her proposed link up of bloggers looking sexy, but I had intended to use this photo as my contribution.

Do I look sexy? No idea.
 I don't much care, and that's my point.

 I felt good, I was wearing a frock that I love, I was having a little dance and a swoosh in my garden on a sunny day, and not thinking much about anything except enjoying myself and having a laugh.

And if we are saying sexiness is all in the attitude and the confidence (and we are saying that, aren't we?) and not about age or shape or size, not about nudity or exposure or fake body parts, then I guess I'm as sexy as anyone else.

Just take a moment to go and type sexy into Google Images.

Go on - I'll wait for you.

Are you back?

How are you feeling?

Amused, appalled, saddened, depressed, angry, resigned?
 Or do you feel sexy?
 No, me neither.

Our culture does conflate semi/nudity with sexiness, it's a lad's mag view of women, all big hair and pouts, tits and ass, lots of flesh.

It's a parody of sexy, a cartoon/porn version.

So do ya think I'm sexy?

I don't mind dressing up, slapping on a wig and some false eyelashes, showing a bit of cleavage and some leg.

But I'm joking; it's not the real me, it's that cartoon version of sexy again. It's role playing, Circus/Bordello Girl, or Cabaret Dancer, or Housewife Pin-Up.

It's not the me who takes the kids to school, schleps round Lidl, clears out the cat litter tray, takes the rubbish out, cooks dinner, loads the dishwasher, meets friends for coffee, volunteers in class.

Am I sexy doing those things? Of course not. Do I want to be? No, not really.

Is anyone sexy all the time, in everything they do? Would that not be a bit strange?

Our sexiness can fluctuate, as can our expression of it.
It's affected by the state of our relationships, by confidence and self-esteem issues, by hormonal changes, by depression, by anxiety, grief, fatigue, or illness.


Hot? Not?

The truth is, sexiness is highly subjective, complex, personal and sensitive, and for most of us, very private, it's virtually impossible to define, and therefore even harder to discuss in any meaningful way.

And even though it's a term I use too, I am increasingly fed up with sexiness being the currency, the thing that matters. Melanie wrote something similar here (a whole year ago, my goodness!);

 I am so tired of the word sexy I want to scream!! Sexy's rightful home is in the brain and so far they don't make lacy push-up brain bras.

It's a shorthand, I suppose, a quick way of saying someone has a particular brand of confidence, sass, charisma and style. It doesn't rely on beauty or physical attributes, and it doesn't depend on dressing a certain way. It's a part of who we are, we may choose to deliberately enhance and display it, or we may not. It's not all we are.

Would I be offended if you said I wasn't sexy?
Would I be offended if you said I was unintelligent and inarticulate?

I trawled through a whole load of my old photos looking for images to include in this post.

Try it - it's quite a challenge to look at yourself and consider whether you look sexy or not.

This shot is old, poor quality, I'm wearing trousers (a jumpsuit actually), I'm covered up, no wig, no playing a character or hamming it up.

And yes, I do think I'm sexy.

Edit: linking up after all with Jane at Flight Platform Living for her Shiny T Tuesday!



Vix said...

I couldn't have put it any better myself.
Sexy is definitely a state of mind, how we feel about ourselves and the air of confidence we give off. Maybe we do get sexier as we get older as we learn to accept our imperfections and embrace the person we've known all our lives. I certainly think older people are more attractive - gimme Mick Jagger over Justin Beiber any day of the week!
Love the Curtise photo overload. I bet searching Google Images for "Sexy" is one of the few searches that don't feature me!
Love You! xxxxxxxxxxx

Veshoevius said...

I think you look damn sexy in that angel sleeved blue maxi frock and that black leather pencil skirt. I started a post along similiar lines and then abandoned it but having read all those same posts you've flagged up, the topic is on my mind again and maybe I should revisit my old post. What does it mean to be sexy now? I think your post explores this brilliantly - we don't always want to set out to look sexy either depending on what we're doing at the time. I think it doesn't do any harm to dress up in aide of feeling sexy but you're right - there's too much importance placed on it in society and it gets skewed towards what you find on google. Hurrah for covering up lads mags I say - maybe it might open up the interpretation of the word sexy to something more relevant to women as well as men - having it associated more with those concepts of confidence, sass, charisma and style.

Ivy Black said...

Hurrah sista!
Sexy is definitely a state of mind and not a massive pair of plastic jugs. It's not about lack of clothing or even a pretty face. A brain is sexy. Humour is sexy. Self deprecation is sexy. Confidence is sexy. Talent is sexy.
Alan Dylan Jamie
Donald Sutherland...bloody sexy. Tilda Swinton...sorry...I lost myself for a minute there.

Emma Kate at Paint and Style said...

Definitely sexy. You're an attractive, intelligent, caring, fun person with great style. That's sexy.
I feel sexy in the summer with nice clothes and shades on. Not so much in the winter with my glasses and anorack! I feel sexy when I'm drilling and doing manly stuff with power tools.
I'm not sure my husband would agree...

Indigo Violet said...

Part of the problem is that people confuse the concept "sexy" with the concept "attractive". Yes I find you attractive but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to have sex with you. Sexual attraction is a complex mixture of past experience, gender roles, brain chemistry and societal expectations. Plain old attraction brings in personality, individuality and intelligence.

Unknown said...

Yes i think that you are sexy! - but not sexy the' Google' way if you get it ... sexy is for shore a state of mind!
When do i feel sexy? ?.. when lover boy looks at me with a sparkle in his Eyes!

Rachel said...

I'm with Indigo Violet on separating 'sexy' from 'attractiveness'. I don't really like the word sexy as it has bevome mingled in my brain with the google images, Page 3, rubbish lad's mags etc...

But attractiveness - I see gorgeousness in lots of people, men and women (including yoooou!). I think it especially shows through when people are comfortable in themselves, wearing what they want to

Peaches McGinty said...

yep, I agree with the ladies - sexy is all about a look, being intelligent having the confidence to look someone in the eye and walking in an assured way - I do not associate it with how google/lads mags present it to us - I'm all for anyone to feel good tho, I have gotten more into my stride now and feel a whole lot more sassy. I can't even look at someone under 40 and think they are sexy, Rufus Sewell, Russell Crowe make me glow, love all your pics (I like to dress up too!)I think you are a fox x

Patti said...

I couldn't agree more with this: "sexiness is highly subjective, complex, personal and sensitive." I laugh about the "famous" men I've found sexy over the years - many of them far from matinee idols. Brains are sexy, kindness is sexy, listening is sexy. Sometimes sex is sexy, but not always. Love, love this post. You're so sexy! xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

You have just said it all so well, now that's damn sexy.

Miss Maple said...

Interesting thoughts. You might be right!

Miss Simmonds Says said...

Well said! I agree that sexiness is very subjective... I think you're sexy, I think Mike's sexy, I think all the men from horrible histories are sexy - it really is a matter of taste. Teenage boys are rather susceptible to being influenced by the Disney Pornstar look, which you find on google, as sexy. It's sad and it's difficult to educate them that real women are very different.
I love all these photos, they're so much fun and that really matters, not taking yourself seriously is very sexy. xxxx

Unknown said...

What a great post! Do you know, I would so much rather be described as kind, attractive, nice even, than sexy. I find the whole sexy ideal that so many men (and even women) have is repulsive and if you are seen to be sexy ( you may just be walking down the street in a little dress on a hot day) you are seen to be inviting unwanted sexualised (and often vulgar)remarks. When I think about it I may seem like such a prude but I attain to looking confident, vibrant and happy, not sexy, and I think how I dress reflects that. You look confident, happy, beautiful,vivacious and vibrant in so many of your pics and for me that trumps sexy! XXX

Angels have Red Hair said...

I totally agree that sexiness is a state of mind. But then again ... looking at a picture you can't really know what that persons state of mind is at that time. In real life I think it's self confidence that's sexy. All I know is you look fabulous, you look like you're having fun and enjoying yourself ... sexy. As for the girl in the other shot ... I bet she's absolutely miserable at that moment ... not sexy!

Helga said...

Ah, brillantly put, darling! And YES, I do think you're sexy!!!
I don't really have anything to add, but I'm pretty sure you won't find ME when googling sexy, but I feel it, baby! And looking like a bimbo doesn't do it!!! RAH!
Love YOU and love this fabularse Curtise overload! YEAH!

thorne garnet said...

Pam Anderson is going to look so ridiculous when she's old. The funny this is, she looked really good before all the silicone.

We're all sexy in our own ways.

Sheila said...

I like Angels' comment above: it's self confidence that is sexy! Even though I'm baggier, saggier and wrinklier than I used to be, I have loads more confidence, and I!

And yes, YES! I think you are so sexy, Curtise! You are a gorgeous woman, and it's your confidence that is really the most attractive thing. I love your costumes, especially that bowler hat one. And rowr! Do I have to say I love the leather??

Anonymous said...

I think using the term sexy is overdone. It's got its place for the young because, let's face it, they want it. I don't necessarily want to be sexy because I'm not out looking for that kind of action anymore. I want to be smiled at, respected, laughed with and confided in.

And by the way, that long blue gown is divine! You look fabulous and fun and intelligent and witty. What more do you want?

Sue @ A Colourful Canvas said...

Well written...thinking is required.

I'm not even sure what sexy means anymore.

citizen rosebud said...

Amazing post, C. You hit all the notes- and every pic of you screams fun, intelligent and playful then calmly, quietly with a cigarette whisper, nuzzles up to my ear and says SEXY. Thank you beautiful, playful, intelligent woman for showing me, ALL kinds of sexy.

Melanie said...

Oooh, you sexy, sexy, sexay, sexalicious, sexacious, sexo-matrix. I do think you are, but what word can I possibly use? Your brain bra must be red and lacy! Alluring, yes, that's a great word. Mysterious, naughty, flirtatious, gorgeous, saucy, playful, and again, here comes the word - sexy. Gaaah. I confess that I can force or draw out that sense if I Dress Up special. These are all ultra-worthy pinup photos, Curtise. Meow!

Señora Allnut said...

dear lady, love so much to read your post and watch your pics, and yes, that photo of you wearing trousers is damn sexy and it's really sassy and stylish and that's more important!
You can call it sex-appeal, sassiness, attitude, but that is not being sold in a bottle!
besos & sexiness

Unknown said...

I think all your outfits are sexy, love all the pics, i think it's our sexy innerness or perhaps as we get older, big word I think confidence plays a part..... And your a beaut. Xx

Trees said...

Aren't there so many cliches associated with "sexy" - I just feel like its something else telling us all we need to be "x" or "y". I'm pretty sure like everything else in life, sexy is a state of mind...

Anonymous said...

I read this post and had a long break before comment on it! You wrote such a good piece and so many thoughts came to my mind! I'm in my 30s and I'm a mom, so I think that I'm naturally cut off from feeling sexy, but most of the younger girls here think that the more skin you expose the more sexy you are (and obviously fake tans, eyelashes and hair can do the rest).. I consider what is sexy for men, most of them are not impressed when a woman play a role, the most clever of them (few, but they exist!) laugh at those kind of tricks..and the best thing they could say is that being sexy is a natural attitude.
You are a very beautiful woman, I love all the photos, you look confident in all your outfits and it's probabily that sparkle of inner well-being that makes you sexy.
Love xxxxxxx

Annie said...

Hi Curtise, just catching up on your adventures.
This is a really interesting post. I don't think I can really add more to what others have said. 'Sexy' is definitely not skimpy clothes, a face full of slap, and dead eyes (for women or men!). I think what Indigo Violet said about the difference between 'sexy' and 'attractive' is important.'Sexy' is a state of mind, and the 'mind' bit is what's important.
Anyway, glad to hear you're enjoying the school holidays. I used to love that break from the school run/homework routine. Hope your cat is better soon.
Annie xxx

Anonymous said...

Hear Hear! Sexy is in the mind!

I do not feel the least bit sexy myself due to lack of confidence, intelligence and not much intelligence but my Husband thinks I am permanently sexy and that is good enough for me.

Unknown said...

Wow, yes you are seriously sexy. So cool!

freckleface said...

For me, sexy is different things in different people, and that's what's nice about it, the individuality, the fact that it is not predictable. Sometimes it's the way someone looks at you, or the way someone carries themself. And as you said, what you find sexy or feeling sexy yourself comes and goes depending on all sorts of things.

You? Sometimes sexy, sometimes fun, sometimes cute, sometimes can't bovvered. Always intelligent and articulate, always just you. Which is the best thing you can be. xxxx

Mrs. D said...

Great post. The definition of sexy varies a lot... most men will be drawn to the boobs and the flesh but in the end of the day, personality and confidence are way sexier... boobs sag and looks fade but those traits only tend to improve with time. A bit like port wine hehe. Personality is sexy!
this also reminds me of something I read last night by Dita Von Teese:

"I recall a moment I had once that really cured me of feeling self-conscious. Two guys made fun of me in passing, who were both dressed in hideously ugly, stained and torn "University of Idiocy" T-shirts with mismatched shorts and some sort of offensive footwear.

I remember thinking, "Wait a minute, the fact that THESE guys think I look silly/crazy/unsexy is actually a compliment!"

I also began to realize that our appearance tells the world which tribe we belong to, or want to belong to. I have absolutely no desire to be a part of the tribe that those two guys belong to, you know? Imagine the hell of being asked out on a date with one of them? Heaven forbid I would fall in love with him and be forced to watch sports on TV while fetching a beer and a Manwich for one of those guys. That sounds like a special kind of hell to me."

barbara said...

I loved reading this Curtise - 'sexiness' is a fascinating subject revealing as it does so much about our values individually and as a society , our attitudes towards gender, culture, sex etc.. and how these things interconnect and change .....I could talk for hours about it all!
It's not a word I use very often about myself or other people - but if pushed I would say that I find Robbie Coltrane as Cracker very sexy..

Tamera's Craft Palace said...

high-five and AMEN!! Great post!!
you are smart and sexy and fabulous and confident and amazing in every picture!!
But the best part is YOUR sexy comes from your BRAIN not your cleavage!!

Connie said...

Sexy schmexy. What is sexy anyway? You are gorgeous inside and out. Is that sexy? Then you are absolutely sexy.

Ulla-Marie said...

So much wisdom, and (if you want to know ...) you are the sexiest you dressed in the long blue dress. And if I had a cleavage I would exhibit it every day.

bonsaimum said...

Hurrah!! I agree with you 100%. Mind you when it comes to man candy........... really though, intelligence outstrips sexiness.There could be nothing worse than being gorgeous and thick. Would get boring mighty fast.

Melanie said...

The word sexy makes me cringe a little, like using the word fit or hot as a positive for somebody. Plus I also think of Kenny Everett done up as Rod and it makes it all the more cringy!
Now sex appeal, that is different, I see that as something which isn't necessarily a physical attribute.
I love the photos you chose for this post, particularly the last one, you look gorgeous!

Forest City Fashionista said...

This is such a great post Curtise, and has inspired so many thoughtful responses. I am so sick of the word "Sexy" being overused, and I agree with Indigo Violet that it seems to be equated with "attractiveness", when it isn't that at all. What is sexy to one person may be completely off-putting to another. It's an in-your-head thing, at least for most women. Straight men will always find "tits and ass" sexy because that's how they're wired. I find many men and women attractive, but not sexy because they aren't triggering that part of my brain. For me, it's much more than just someone's appearance that makes them sexy. I could go on and on - this is such a juicy topic, but I'll stop.

Unknown said...

YES AND MORE YES!!! everything you said here is spot on! OOOO sexy all the time...cant think of anything more tedious and boring! And seen as you asked...yes i do think you are! especially that black leather skirt and purple number! thank you so much for linking even after the unforeseeable delay xxxx

Unknown said...

Sexy? Yes. Articulate and intelligent? Also yes. I love this post and all your pictures. Sexy is in the brain... couldn't agree more.

Suzanne said...

I loved this post.