Sunday, 1 May 2016

She's not there


Day Off + Things To Do (x many) = Fuck It.


I went to the General Cemetery instead.


Bright sunshine...


blue skies...


acid greens...



and plenty of sun flare.



It's been a while since I visited, but this place always calls me back.

Trying to explain it to someone who has never been and doesn't share the Victorian Graveyard Love makes me sound like a freak. So be it. 


It felt a little different; much of the overgrowth has been cut back and some trees have been cropped.

Necessary, I know, as part of the ongoing renovation work, but part of me regrets the loss of the wilderness...


although there is enough left to enjoy. 


I went to enjoy the silence, only to find myself sharing the space on this occasion with more than the occasional dog walker. 

A gaggle of school girls with their teacher working on an art project; a chatty man with his over-friendly if delightful dog; a couple of young women sharing a fag on a bench as they rehashed the events of the night before and planned their future festival tent arrangements; and two drunk-ish men with a supply of cans. 

No matter - they all passed through and left me to myself. 


Having posted photos of the cemetery before ( here, here and here), I was interested to see if I could see something different this time.
  

There are some gravestones I hadn't spotted before. 

Ubique is the motto of the Royal Artillery Regiment; Army Pensioner George Myers had been at the battles of Sebastopol and Inkerman during the Crimean War.

The shield-shaped headstone is for Annie Paine, Adjutant of the Salvation Army, promoted to glory April 25th 1914. Interestingly, there is a second inscription underneath for Helen, beloved wife of Major Jonah Evans, who died a year after Annie. Sisters? Secret lesbian lovers? I'm hoping for the latter.




And if I have already photographed most of the graveyard, I can always tinker with effects.






I know how she feels; I feel like shaking my fist at that non-existent God too.

I had a brief scan over my recent blog posts and was struck by how dull they have been; a dirge of repeat complaints about how busy I am, and tired apologies for poor blogging form. I'm boring myself, never mind you.


1960-70s lurex maxi skirt - Ebay
1970s velvet jacket - Leicester vintage shop
Sunglasses - vintage market
Ankle boots - charity shopped

I need to just stop. I don't intend to stop blogging, it's too precious to me - the friends, the conversations, the connections, the inspiration and ideas, I need them all. And I need this outlet for whatever nonsense is circling around my brain too.

But I am keenly aware of my lack of presence in the blogging world, and I feel guilty, frustrated and disappointed.

I'm going to wait until I can do this properly again.


Please don't bother trying to find her - she's not there. 


Hopefully it won't be too long.
And I hope you'll wait for me.

xxx

46 comments:

Miss Magpie said...

Of course! Sometimes you just have to get washed along by it all don't you. I'm looking forward to seeing you back at your sparkling best soon. x x

SAM said...

If we learn anything from each other in blogging, it's that it needs to first be right for ourselves. I'll still be here when you come back and maybe even a bit more stylish ifcI reread past posts of yours.

Patti said...

We will wait for you always. Blogging is so optional, isn't it? Life - kids and work and art and music, food and wine - all the things - are much more important. But I'll miss you terribly till you're back. xox

-Patti
http://notdeadyetstyle.com

mondoagogo said...

First of all, please don't use up your mental energy on unecessary guilt! Secondly, I love your experimental effects in the photos, I haven't taken any photos for ages and now I feel quite inspired, so thank you! Thirdly, I particularly like the mirror-effect photo, your skirt looks fabulous!

Lynn Holland said...

Don't go away I need your inspiration in the wardrobe department. Look at you gorgeous lady in that beautiful skirt. Your blog is one I actually read and don't just look at the pics. Today posting is thoughtful and reflective which gives us a chance to sit back and contemplate our navel for a few minutes out of our busy lives. So stay awhile and see how we all feed of each other.
A friend of mine has disappeared from blogland and I miss her like hell, sometimes pics and a word or two are all that's needed. It's peeing down here and days like this it's nice to sit and see what our friends have found in their world lately,
Lynn X X X

Laurie Duncan said...

I will always look forward to your posts no matter what! I follow you because you are fun and straightforward, and you post because you want to. Love these beautiful pictures of the graveyard, I would love to wander through there. Your maxi skirt is just gorgeous by th way. :)

Suzanne Carillo said...

You have been missed. Of course come back when you feel you have more time to devote. The pressures we feel with blogging are all self imposed.

bisous
Suzanne
http://www.suzannecarillo.com

Lisa said...

Looking forward to you coming back once you feel ready to do so.
Take care
Lisa x

Mother of Reinvention said...

Lovely cemetery. It reminds me of one in Edinburgh called Warriston which is a bit of a wilderness with lots of falling down statues and the ubiquitous ivy. I am in the same boat as you with the blogging. I feel terrible about not having posted in months but it is all I can do to manage to read (and comment) on people's blogs.Hope that the shop is going well and that all's good with the family. Sending you loads of best wishes and looking forward to your posts when you decide that the time is right for you. Xx

Porcelina said...

Super photos! I share the Victorian graveyard love! This blogging malarky is hard to keep up sometimes isn't it? I look forward to whatever you post about, whenever that will be xx

Connie said...

I must admit that I do miss your planting of songs in my little old brain. This is an especially good one and it should haunt me for days. Thank you! And speaking of haunting...how I LOVE an old graveyard. The ones around here are spiffy organized rather soulless fields. No way they're dumping me in one of those when I kick off. These photos are so beautiful and you do seem like a bit of a shadow. I echo your sentiments. I've not been a bloggin' much of late for all sorts of wimpy reasons but I will never give it up. As the blogosphere gets filled up by shiny plastic soulless blogs, I still cling to my real gorgeous authentic friends like you. Oh The Zombies. They really were good, weren't they. "The way she acts and the color of her hair." Wow. That really IS you!!!

Natalia Lialina said...

Beautiful and somewhat demure outfit you created, Curtise - feels perfect for the environment. Your cemetery posts always remind me of a beautiful historic cemetery in Cincinnati, Ohio where I went on a photo safari with Justin while we dated. It does inspire me to collect some of my photography and make a series of posts about all the different places I've been... So yes, we inspire each other, and I miss you the way I would miss a "real life" friend. Guilt is a man-made emotion, as they say in An Unmarried Woman, 1970s movie - have you watched it? It's very 70s... I liked it. :) Much love to you!

Helena said...

Please don't stop! Blog when you feel like it, and say what you want to. If you really do feel that recent posts have been boring (I don't) then check each new post and just delete the apologies. I'm happy to see you whenever, and don't need you to explain or apologise.

BY THE WAY, I love that skirt, and I adore this graveyard. Your photos are wonderful.

Mrs Bertimus said...

I'll wait whenever you feel ready my blog buddy.....I'm selfishly hoping that it's not too long though! Xxx

Kylie said...

Waiting impatiently xxx

Sheila said...

Blog when you want to, we'll be here when you appear. Life gets in the way, other things occupy oneself. I love all these gorgeous photos, and would love to meander in the graveyard, although all those people sound disruptive.

Sue said...

Good for you, I would ditch chores for an old cemetery any day and I would so join you to enjoy the quietness and jumble. I could give the death stare to those trying to share our space for a fag or a bevy. I love this post and I will never give up on you, and I do not and have never found any of your posts dull. I adore your photos, no words needed for me. I hope you find yourself very soon, but do take the time required to sort yourself out. Parenting and working ain't for sissies!!!

Polyester Princess said...

Those photos, with and without the effects, are gorgeous. I love an old cemetery like that, and the wilderness just enhances its beauty. I have been following you behind the scenes for a long time, before I started blogging myself, and you are one of my inspirations to finally start blogging, so please don't go away! But I now know from experience that it takes a lot of work to do it properly, so I'd say: take your time to rebalance your life and we'll all welcome you back with open arms when you're ready. xxx

The Vintage Knitter said...

Reminds me of Arnos Vale Cemetery in Bristol. When I last went there they had an obvious problem with badger setts, not the best thing for a cemetery!

Just take as much time out from blogging as you need, its meant to be fun and not a chore that hangs heavy over you when you feel that you should be blogging.

We'll all still be here. Come back revitalised and ass-kicking! xxx

Fiona said...

I'm very familiar with that equation at the top of your post. God knows why I thought I had time for Instagram when I hardly get around to posting on my blog these days. But you'd be sorely missed if you left us for ever, so take your time and come back when you are good and ready. I too, would miss my internal jukebox playing songs referenced by you. (This one is a particular favourite and evokes many drunken memories of pub gigs) Wonderful photos of the cemetary, brilliant effects (I'm impressed) and entertaining descriptions of the other visitors there.
I'll be waiting Curtise. xxx

Mim said...

I completely share your Victorian cemetary love - they're such beautiful places. How nice that so many other people are enjoying the space too.

If you can't come to your blog to vent, where can you come? No apologies needed. I look forward to your return.

Forest City Fashionista said...

I think you and I are at the same place, blogging wise. I don't want to stop, for the same reasons you mention, but I need to change things up, and I'm not sure how to do that, so I might just have to break for a while (or not - my feelings about it change from day to day).

I love wandering around old cemeteries, and spent a few happy hours exploring Highgate (the old section) when I was in London, England many years ago. I loved the dark overgrown wildness of it and we had the most marvelous guide, an older woman, who took us slipping and sliding down slopes and through the underbrush.

Veronica Cooke said...

Of course you will, Curtise!

I love graveyards - such places of solitude and reflection and usually choc a bloc with wildlife and weird things. My dad is buried in Kensal Green cemetery in London which is a fabulous one. Your graveyard looks brilliant and I can quite see why you would want spend time there. That photo of the recumbent angel/woman freaked me out slightly - at first I thought it was real!

Love the outfit and it looks brilliant on you. I'm sure I had a similar maxi skirt back in the 70s....

Have a great week Curtise and I look forward to your next post - whenever you decide to post again.

Veronica
vronni60s.blogspot.com

Beth Waltz said...

Nothing like pacing pensively through a Victorian cemetery to evoke thoughts about how one's spending one's allotted time...Of course, we enjoyed your views of the site as we appreciated your self-portrait on the blog.

You've got the talent, Curtise, for accomplishing what Stan Laurel asked of student film-makers: your images tell a story without words, your words convey a story without images. We will be waiting when you return.

Goody said...

We're your friends-you needn't worry about boring us because we care about you (and you're not boring!).

Everyone will be here when you resume blogging. I'll bring the cocktails.

Be well.

Vix said...

Yay! You're back.
Dunno how you manage any posts. I worked one day last week and I'm still half dead.
You might not be able to blog as often as I know you want to but when you do your posts are always top quality and worth the wait.
How I loved this meander around the churchyard, the snatches of overheard conversations (are they sharing a tent? Do they have a decent air bed?) and the glimpses of every day people going about their business.
Loving the mermaid scale maxi with the Dolly Mix jacket - I reckon giving that beauty an outing helped Leicester beat the odds.
Love you! xxxxx

señora Allnut said...

of course, I'll wait for you!, and you can't be boring, even if you would be always telling you're busy (and that's not right), because that's Real Life and you're really busy, and that's the reason I like blogs: they're about Real People with Real Lifes!!
Lovely to see you again, walking through that fab victorian graveyard, evocative and decadent!, and looking so cool!, love your maxi and pretty velvet jacket, gorgeous!
besos

Ivy Black said...

Don't you worry yerself petal...and you are never dull.
I do love a Victorian graveyard; the darker and greener the better. I've had some properly surreal encounters in graveyards. Of the living kind not the ghostly sadly.
We'll all be here when you get back...I'll bring the cake...or the rum. Both.
Loves ya!
xxxxx

Trees said...

You will be missed - but of course we will wait for you and it will be well worth the wait! I love graveyards too!! I guess our earlier graveyards would be Victorian, there are a couple in the city. However, both are very well maintained by the city, I think I prefer the overgrowth. I love your pictures! I look forward to seeing you back xo

BadPenny said...

I still need to visit Highgate cemetery. Wonderful images. How did you do the double you photo ?
I post rarely now. I just don't know what to say. I still read about half a dozen favourites x

Sarah Jane said...

I understand completely. Do your thing and come back when you're ready xxx

Delia West said...

A lovely post you actually made a grave yard look magical ;-) we all have bust times in our lives lovely and blogging has to take a back seat as long as your well that's what matters blogging will be hear still when you have the time, take care lovely, dee xx

freckleface said...

I agree. When it comes to a Victorian graveyard, you want wilderness! We went to the bluebell woods the other week. It was the same. So many people! Don't they know when we want a bit of peace and quiet to pose around? So selfish of them! :) Do I recognise that jacket from Leicester? As for your blog, I'm sure you'll be back again once life calms down. I'm not a frequent visitor myself, but I'll be here, looking out for you, and reading these comments, I won't be alone. Take your time, don't feel guilt. Your life needs you at the moment and we're a patient bunch! Xxxx

Jean at www.drossintogold.com said...

Oh Sweetie!!! Huge hugs. I'm just coming back around to see you and I'M feeling guilty!! Some of us are friends forever and waiting is understood, a mere blink in time. The conversations will be picked up seamlessly, even if it's after years of hiatus. The biggest thing is making sure we still have a way to connect.

I love grave yards. The peacefulness and melancholy are healthy, I think. I find that I grip a little less tightly on everyday crap when I see how quickly it will be forgotten.

Sending so much love to you and yours. And as always, I love your maxi!!!! :-) XOXO

Pull Your Socks Up! said...

Ugh I feel you. I figured if I'd nothing positive to say, I'd just keep schtoom. But I must say I have embraced Instagram as an alternative place to share and I've enjoyed it. But I miss the writing aspect of blogging. I've always soaked up your glorious Victorian graveyard posts and this is no exception - what a beautiful special day with just yourself to answer to and whomever you choose. And in glorious blue velvet, who's gonna argue? xoxoxo

beate grigutsch said...

well done to take some me-time on your free day!!!
i´m a fellow old cemetery lover. i really enjoy your photos here!
please do not feel negative about your blogging habit - just take it as it is - we have to unhand to have free hands when life is giving presents :-)
(bad translation of a wise sentence)
hug you! xxxxx
p.s.: i was wearing the maya skirt the whole winter - the heavy fabric was perfect & the bright colors cheered me up in this gray days! and now i wear the red cardi - it´s wonderful warm but lightweight - and i´ll never go lost in the wild greenery :-)

The Style Crone said...

Happy to see that you're spending time taking care of yourself. Take the time that you need. You will always be my blogging friend! I find myself very busy too! I will follow you no matter what's happening in your life. xoxo

bonsaimum said...

We will still be here. I have just returned to blogging after a longer than anticipated hiatus. Life just throws curve balls.:)

The Director of Awesome said...

Dearest Curtise, I think that what you are feeling happens to all bloggers at various points. I am impressed with how long you went before it did. I love your blog. Having said that, I am so exhausted I am not managing to read blogs and comment like I used to and am only posting randomly on my own. I guess it happens, but I suspect those of us who have made connections we value will keep them somehow, and always treasure them. You probably won't see this for awhile but I'm sending you some big Canadian hugs-no apologies. xoxo

Natural Medley said...

Still thinking of you my dear!
Lots of Aussie hugs. Xo Jazzy Jack

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Emma Kate at Paint and Style said...

Hope you're having a relaxing break with the kids. I miss you. I didn't have time for blogging either so I got it. xxxx

Liz W said...

Still checking in with you from time to time. I miss your presence and look forward to the day I click on your link and .... voila! ... you will have returned. One can hope! Hope you are doing fabulous.

kobieta niewidzialna said...

Beautiful photos and very nice dress,interesting print. Amazing jacket and so trendy (velvet) You look very stylish. :)

Angel Banks said...
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