Friday, 6 December 2013

Don't f***ing swear



Ahhhh, that's better!




Going to my hairdresser's is such a joy - we chat, we laugh, I drink coffee and read ridiculous magazines, and she works her magic until I emerge, newly vibrant and sleek and feeling a million times better. 




I look rather ladylike in this ensemble. 

Which is totally misleading, since I am not very ladylike at all, as most who know me will attest. 




In particular, my language is not that of a Lady.

I swear. Rather a lot. It satisfies a need for emphasis, for drama, for humour; sometimes, only cursing like a navvy will do.

I know when not to swear, of course, and am perfectly capable of reining it in on occasions when it is not appropriate. But we have a fairly relaxed attitude to "bad language" in our house, including in front of the kids. They've have heard it all already from kids at school, and as long as they follow the golden rules (not at school and not in front of Grandma), we're pretty laissez faire.




After school, I usually ask the kids what sort of a day they have had; was it delicious Chinese; nice-enough pizza; or terrible mushroom? Yesterday, Seldom Seen looked rather downhearted, and replied it's been a terrible mushroom day. On further investigation, it transpired that he had been shown a red card. 
 
For swearing. 
 
Oh fuck.
 
It appears that Child R had been picking on one of SS' buddies, so SS told him to stop it, and called the kid an arsehole. Child R promptly went and told a dinner lady. The dinner lady issued SS with a red card for swearing. No contextual information was sought or given. Child R went away smirking, SS came home crestfallen.
 
Now I know he shouldn't have sworn at another kid at school. He broke our golden rule, and calling Child R a rude name was wrong. But the motivation, the urge to stand up for his friend, and name and shame Child R's bad behaviour was right. What he should have done, of course, was alert the dinner lady to what was happening, and let her deal with Child R's behaviour, in which case it would probably be Child R with a red card, not SS. 

But we live and learn. And Child R is indeed an arsehole.
 
 
 
 
1970s crochet dress, suede waistcoat and bangles - charity shopped
Boots - Ebay
1960s Tissavel cape-style jacket - gift
1950s scarf - flea market
Shiny red bob - courtesy of lovely Kirsty at Hair @ St Paul's
 


I always find parenting issues the most fascinating - and the most challenging - when they centre around helping kids to navigate the choppy waters of human relationships and communication. 
 
I could see immediately that there was a better strategy for Seldom Seen to employ; all he could see, at the time, was his friend in trouble, and another child behaving unkindly. He was cross, and he swore. I do that - all the time. And no one gives me a red card for it. 
 
We expect a lot from kids sometimes; we expect them to have a control, a sophistication, an ability to strategise, to step back and predict future consequences, which many adults do not possess. 
 
 
 
 

And sometimes, you just want to say arseholes!





I'm working tomorrow, and no doubt I will be swearing (in my head) throughout the day.

Hope you have a great weekend, whether it is accompanied by profanity or not!

xxxxx

48 comments:

Tamera Wolfe said...

Bless Seldom Scene's little heart!! Here's a big {{{{hug}}}} for him!! His heart is in the right place.

You are looking rather lady-like and proper in the new haircut!! I love the outfit!!

Tamera Wolfe said...

Bless Seldom Scene's little heart!! Here's a big {{{{hug}}}} for him!! His heart is in the right place.

You are looking rather lady-like and proper in the new haircut!! I love the outfit!!

Tamera Wolfe said...

Bless Seldom Scene's little heart!! Here's a big {{{{hug}}}} for him!! His heart is in the right place.

You are looking rather lady-like and proper in the new haircut!! I love the outfit!!

ayoung70 said...

I love everything about this ensemble. Just gorgeous.
In our house, when my four were still little-ish, they would try to tattle, and it would always go something like this:
Caity: Mom, Christian said fuck!
Nick: Mom, Caity said fuck!
Ari: Mom, Nick said Caity!
and then giggles all around. I was a terrible parent, never took swearing seriously.

señora Allnut said...

first, your crochet dress is amazingly pretty, love your versatile vest, and your furry cape-jacket!, you're gorgeous!
And second, I think your golden rules are really useful!, and I'm sad poor S. has been punished by his spontaneous (good) behaviour. As a swearwords regular user, I've been using them when necessary even though children were present. I think our rich language must to be known by young people! (oh yes, spanish is a fabulous language to swear!)
besos malhablados

Diary of a penny pincher said...

You look fabulous in that beautiful outfit, it really goes with your fab new haircut too! Love the colour of that crochet dress and I would never think of wearing navy with it but it looks great! So sorry for your son, sometimes in life you just can't do right for doing wrong!

The Small Fabric Of My Life said...

Poor SS. One of life's lessons - sometimes sh*t happens.
Love your hair.

Sue @ A Colourful Canvas said...

Yup! Murky waters indeed...personally, I'm impressed that he stood up for his friend...but, of course, it's not that simple.

You do look lovely and demure today Curtise!

Ivy Black said...

Your hair is delicious and so is your language. You so ARE lady like. And a lady that likes to swear. I like to swear. I love it. Nice, firm and juicy Anglo Saxon. Yummy.
We do indeed live n'learn bless him.
xxxxxx

Sandra said...

your hair looks fab! and the crochet dress is dreamy, it is all very ladylike, most fecking demure indeed - SS is still a legend for standing up for his friend, it takes a lot off moxy to do it, but yes, we do live and learn - we have a swearing amnesty, the eldest had it and so will the younger ones, sometimes the best way to get things of your chest is not worrying about what kind of language you are allowed to use, I call it brain vomit, ha! lovely! x x x have a wonderful weekend x x x

Fiona said...

bahaha, great pic of Seldom Seen. Poor love, and 'arsehole' is not a really bad word is it? (I've heard 10 yr olds in Asda saying c**t!) What a kind and loyal friend he is and obviously very perceptive. All the best people swear anyway, especially when driving...every other person on the road is a wanker! Lovely crocheted dress, (bet it's warm) and hair do. xxxx

Helga! said...

O, fuck, the smug little wanker! poor Seldom seen. I swear like a frigging navvy too, and am dreadful at controlling it...I'm forever apologising to children...GAH!
You look sleek, vibrant and DELICIOUS, my darling! Love the colours, the furry bit, the boots.....fucking fabulARSE!!!
Loving YOU! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Angels have Red Hair said...

Totally agree ... navigating parenthood can be tricky indeed ... and just when you're feeling in control and a little smug something always crops up.
On the subject of swearing ... a good friend if mine was telling me the story of her and her son. She came upon him struggling with something and chanting "f**k, f**k, f**k" ... before she could stop herself she snapped "will you f**king stop swearing" ... a swear jar has now been installed ... for both of them.
xx

freckleface said...

Good old Seldom Seen for sticking up for his friend, he's obviously a good guy. But yes, it's true he's learned one of life's bad lessons. Things aren't always fair and the bad guy sometimes gets away with it. Bugger.

I love this outfit, particularly that little cape-like jacket and the rather delicious blue rose scarf. Very lovely and autumnal with those beautiful shades of berry and your spicy little hairdo. Love it!

Don't work too hard tomorrow! xxxxxxx

Carina Rosenholm said...

Love the outfit - the cape is so percect and you are so fu***g gorgeous . Ops .. well i do svear a lot to ......
xxx

Patti said...

Oh poor SS! He's a good little man to stick up for his friend. Children are really honest in their spontaneous expressions. Although I completely agree that one musn't swear in front of Grandma.

You look fresh and f'ing fabulous, love the hair. xoxo

Pull Your Socks Up! said...

Firstly, CAPE!!!!!!!!!!! And, haaaaaaaiiiiir!! And hot-wench-in-knit-frock-alert!!! Oh the dear wee pet ... that's SS I'm talking about, not the shitty little kid. Confusion on many levels for the little fella, the adult world really is a minefield isn't it? When #1 Son was 3, I took him to NZ to visit my family. Cut to the wee chap bored by the company of his extreeeeeeemely conservative grandmother and g-grandma and screeching FUUUUUUUUUCK!!! - just the once, on the top of his voice. That's got to be a double grandma no-no - I won't let him forget it;) xoxoxoxoxoxo

Connie said...

Curtise you are Awesome. Your hair really does look so pretty. It looks wonderful with your outfit. I'm afraid I swear like a sailor and my husband is some kind of annoying saint who NEVER swears. So I am the bad influence around here. Dear sweet Seldom. Sticking up for a friend is so much more important, isn't it? Fuck Yeah!!!

Krista Gassib said...

Fresh and fierce rocking the red sister! You do look fancy in that frock and fur. That's a lot of f's and I didn't even say fuck! I like to cuss but I think it makes me sound not so smart, but like I give a shit:). SS is such a good person for sticking up for his friend he gets that from you I know it. The sooner people get called out of being an asshole the better.
Have a great day at work honey!
Xxxxxxxoooooooooo

Val Sparkle said...

Evidently we have a problem with bad language at work. An email was sent to the whole office saying that we needed to watch our language because some employees found certain language offensive. I can certainly take the point, and it is important to know when to have discretion. But sometimes it's really fucking difficult! Getting a red card from a dinner lady isn't the worst thing that could happen, and maybe it's a lesson that will stick with young master Seldom.

BTW, your hair is gorgeous!

Melanie said...

I am very thankful that we don't walk around with thought bubbles. I would immediately be rated R and booted out of every refined establishment. But of course, I don't f***ing swear either, GD-it. Hurrah for Seldom Seen for sticking up for his friend. Sniveling prats are indeed arseholes and the dinner lady is obviously not too astute at spotting them.
Your haircut is glorious and that dress is awesome with your stole. Good luck tomorrow.

Trudie said...

Bless SS swearing or not he had the selfless concern of a friend first, an admirable quality to have.

You look fab in the crochet dress and your hair is looking fierce....love it.

Sugar Lane said...

wow! i have to say u look amazing in ladylike style!
have a lovely weekend,
S

% % % SALES have startes at http://www.sugarlanedesign.com/

Indigo Violet said...

That's a lovely fur cape, or fape. It's a good thing I can (usually) control my swearing, otherwise I would have lost my job years ago. Sometimes when a total stranger is unloading all their personal problems on to me, I just want to tell them to eff off!

Melanie said...

Lovely posh new do Curtise! I haven't had my hair cut since 2005!
Poor Seldom Seen, bless his heart. It's horrible that these situations are rarely investigated properly.
xxx

Edie Pop said...

You look rather fabulous in your 'Ladylike outfit'! The dress and the cape are both wonderful and you are stunning with your new haircut!!
I'm sorry for what happened to Seldom S, poor boy, it's really hard to not curse or swear sometimes, I try all my life to be kind and polite and I learn to not be offensive with others, but I secretly wish to be able to say an old good 'arsehole'at the right person at the right moment! Probabily if we want our children to take revenge on bad people we should let them swear!
Have a wonderful weekend!
Love xxxxx

Miss Magpie said...

Poor SS it is hard when you are doing something for all the right reasons and still get in trouble.

I am very surprised the dinner lady didn't investigate further before issuing the red card but maybe she was having a bad day too.

Hope today goes well and so it should with your swishy new hair. x

mondoagogo said...

I think your attitude to swearing around and by your kids is better than all those parents who prefer to pretend it doesn't ever happen. (I learned all my swears from my mum too but have since developed my own!)

That plum colour is delicious! Makes me think of mulled wine, yum.

Kelly Jackson said...

Ah yes, the definition of growing up: realizing that honourable intentions and actions are rarely recognized, let alone lauded.

On a less cynical note: your new do is so very chic (getting mine done this week - can hardly wait). And that crochet dress rocks in so many ways - what a fab colour and it fits you like a dream.

When my sis had kids, I made a conscious effort to clean up my language, and it worked for years as I saw them often and reprogrammed myself so that not swearing became habit. That went out the window when I moved away. With a little one, I try my best to say "Fudge!" and "Jeepers!", but there is something satisfying about F**K when the occasion is frustrating or annoying enough to merit it (which is often, for me!), even though I do agree with Krista that swearing can make one sound stupid and uneducated. Btw, It's funny what we classify as swear words. I once wrote "bloody" on my blog and my mother-in-law commented to hubby that I "swore" on my blog. Sigh.

Have a FFF-fabulous day! Xoxox

Pennyblossoms said...

Good on Master SS; considering the words bandied around by some children I think it was a very good choice! It is in fact my neighbours' fave word(!); probably in her 60s and said in her best Barbadian accent it always makes me giggle.
Dockers have nothing on me and my potty-mouth, but I do try to be less 'blue'!
Fabulous hair and furry cape.
Z xx

Sacramento Amate said...

I am sure you are not only the most amazing mother in the world, but the most inspiring and exciting too.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Brooke F said...

Sometimes only a good, ridiculously profane curse word will do! I'm with you, I am pretty good at reigning my blue language in when needed but have been known to really let loose. And doesn't it feel better when all those @$^'s& and *%&@'s are out! By the way, good on SS! Bloody arsehole children need to be called out on it. XXX

Penny-Rose said...

Your hair looks fabulous. I talk to my hairdresser about all sorts of stuff that I don't talk to my family or friends about - I have been following her around for years and she is brilliant at her job. I was brought up not to swear (its not ladylike etc etc) but I am not a lady either. I totally agree with you, its important to know when its appropriate. I hope SS has cheered up, and has a delicious Chinese king of day on Monday.

Diane said...

And he also learned another big lesson too - that arseholes seem to get away with it ! Because in my experience, they tend to! B***ard Areseholes! xxx

Emma Kate at Painted Style said...

Poor Seldom seen. At least he has a sympathetic mum.
The hair looks great! It's funny that you enjoy going to the hairdressers. I hate it. I get so nervous, all that having to talk to someone whilst being deafened by running water or hairdryers. I go once every 2 years. Last time I dropped my bag on the floor, then tripped over it. So they all think I'm really cool. xxxx

Rosemary the Shopper said...

Your hair looks great! How marvellous that not only does it look good, but that you had an enjoyable time while it was "created".

As far as the child swearing thing, all I can say is I was never brave enough to have children. I don't like children to swear, but then I'm not crazy about adults doing it either. If I really like the person, I suppose I "stretch" my boundaries of what I find acceptable, but sorry.. to my ears, it never sounds good. Does that make me Grandma?

Cheers,
Rosemary from www.foreveronthecatwalkoflife.blogspot.com

rosyragpatch said...

Poor Seldom Seen. It is hard to navigate all these rules.
Your hair is a beautiful colour & your dress sets it off perfectly.xxx

silvergirl said...

This dress is so cool
I love all of the texture and the color is fabulous
Hope you had a great weekend
Brett

PinkCheetahVintage said...

You look stunning!! That purple dress fits like a glove!
I constantly swear like a little bitch!
Getting a red card doesn't really sound that bad. No detention or extra work, right?
Fuck that red card!

Camelia Crinoline said...

Sometimes arseholes deserve to be called arseholes. My parents never thought swearing was much of a big deal when I was a kid. I love the crochet dress. It reminds me of the fabulous ones they had in the 1930's.

Forest City Fashionista said...

I seemed to have matured from a very polite child who never swore to a foul-mouthed woman who uses the word Fuck entirely too often (not in front of my mother, small children, or students at work). I sympathize completely with SS and good on him for sticking up for his friend! Sometimes you've just got to call an arsehole and arsehole.

A very ladylife and flattering ensemble you are modelling there. A new haircut just makes one feel better about everything, doesn't it?

Ariane Lasalle said...

First i love your hair, the color is superb - I'm trying to grow mine a bit-
You know you are right about what you say about what we ask of children sometimes and plus you say a lot of adults do not possess the best of communication skills - You should hear what goes on in the subway sometimes, out goes the communicaton skills and manners -

I swear a lot too, feels good sometimes and said the occasional trou du cul or arsehole!

But we watch our tongue around the grandkids of course:)

Love the fur cape!

Take care and have a great day at work and don't swear too much

Arianexo

Vix said...

Arseholes to the lot of them I say! Seldom Seen rocks, what a incredible child he is to stand up and defend a friend, he should be praised for doing the right thing not picked on for a bit of language.
You look fucking fabulous, your hair is amazing and the whole outfit is bad ass. I swear (see what I did there?) you get sexier each time you post!
Love you.xxxxxxxxx

Vicky Hayes said...

SS would have been labelled a 'snitch' for shopping the a***hole to the dinner lady anyway. I love that he defended his friend - friendship and loyalty are admirable characteristics as is the resourcefulness to deal with people himself. Unfortunately he has now learned that friendship and loyalty get punished while Child R learns that picking on other kids and snitching are fine. Luckily he has you to teach him that life is a system to be played!

Love the hair and your elegant outfit. Vicky x

Dawn Elliott said...

I tend to cuss a fair amount, as well, but only around myself and a few select others. My husband, believe it or not, hardly cusses at all, so he keeps me reined in!(But it IS totally allowed in our respective workshops.) Don't you hate it when people have the right intentions, but get caught on technicalities?
P.S. I LOVE THAT DRESS!!!!!!!!!

The Goodwill Fangirl said...

The F-bomb is all I have left. I'll take the red card, please :)

And oooh-la-la on the hot red hair. You do look very ladylike in a completely foxy way...as usual. How do you do that?

CityScape Skybaby said...

Sorry Curtise, I always do this, leave a cluster of comments, Jake started nursery yesterday, so I vow to do better and not clusterbomb you every weekend. I'm fairly relaxed about a bit of swearing too, depending on the context, and I agree SS was justified in this case, sometimes 'arsehole' is the only word that will do, and being loyal to friends is a lot more important than minding your language. But I also agree, it's a real minefield trying to guide children through the complexities of life, feel like I'm still working it out myself most of the time. Desiree's story made me laugh too, reminded me of a very polite friend who's three year old daughter decided to say " fuck fuck fuck fuck" ad infinitum at a party one day, and the more my friend tried to stop her, the more she delighted in repeating it. Or the time my eldest boy (my own seldom seen) ran around a new friend's house shouting "Sex, sex, sex" for some unknown reason. xx

Misfits Vintage said...

Oooh I LOVE the crocheted dress on you! You look fucking gorgeous!

And bugger that little arsehole - it's not fair! Little love deserves a medal for sticking up for his friend. So give him a bastard massive kiss for me.

Love, Sarah xxx